And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
