I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
