Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
