I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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