Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
