This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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