And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
