I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
