Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
