I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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