70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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