Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
