And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
