how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
