You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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