You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Holy shit dude........stairs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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