Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
