Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
