I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
