She announced her abortion via fbk
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
