Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
