OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
