He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
