Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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