So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
