Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
