I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
