I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
