I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
