Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
