Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I am puke
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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