At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
