I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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