please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
