question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
