I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
