Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
