I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
