life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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