There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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