I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
