Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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