my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
