Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
