Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
