it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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