Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
