why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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