ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
