I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
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