Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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