When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
