y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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